Reddit.com is a great place to waste time if you like humor, information, or just about anything else, including NSFW. For example, a few weeks back there was a question which asked “Redditors” what their ‘go to’ joke was, for instance at a bar or party. Most of the responses weren’t all that funny, and I’d already heard them, but one joke stood out. I thought it was one of the funniest jokes I’d ever heard, so called my 14 year old daughter in so I could read it to her. She laughed out loud at it and we still talk about it, so I thought I was on to something. However, when I then tried it on my wife, Jen, she didn’t think it was one bit funny. I’ve since tried it on a number of people, and the responses are the same—it’s either really funny or not at all funny.
So here it is—see what you think. I wish I could tell you what your reaction means about your personality, except I don’t know, but here it is anyway, verbatim from Reddit.
Three friends go on a camping trip together to get away from the hustle and bustle. While walking, one of them spots a brilliant blue bottle and picks it up, on closer inspection, it’s a lamp. He rubs it, and out pops a Genie. It booms "You have finally freed me after 10,000 years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."
The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact $1,000,000,003.50. The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion. The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm. The genie says, “It’s now time for your 2nd wish.” Second guy says "I want to be so good-looking and charismatic that I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him. Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to “think very carefully" about their third and final wish. First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured. I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him anymore. Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already. The third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around. The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed." Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I fucked up."
There it is—funny or stupid?
Here’s another rare type of joke—political but not politically incorrect or offensive.
A park ranger was walking through Yellowstone National Park, on patrol to make sure the park was being used properly and respectfully, when he came upon an encampment. It was a mess, with clothes and tarps strewn everywhere, and it was clear someone had been living there a long time. Then he noticed a disheveled looking man with a long beard cooking what looked to be a seagull over a small fire. The man was obviously homeless except for this camp, and probably hungry if he was eating such a small bird.
“Sir”, said the ranger loudly. “You can’t camp here. Camping is only allowed in designated areas, and you can’t kill and eat the wildlife here in this park. You’re going to have to come with me.”
“Come on, mister,” said the homeless man. “Give me a break. I’ve got nowhere else to go, and I’m hungry. It’s just a seagull.”
The ranger thought a moment before replying. “OK, I’ll but I’ll be back this way in three days, and you’ve got to be gone by then, alright? If not I’ll have to have you forcibly removed.”
“You bet mister. Thanks a lot. You won’t regret it.”
The ranger turned and walked about twenty feet, but just before he disappeared into the forest curiosity got the best of him. He turned back and asked the old man, “Hey, what’s a seagull taste like anyway?”
The old man pondered it a moment, stroking his beard, before answering. “I’d say it tastes most like a cross between a bald eagle and a spotted owl.”
Or here's one you may have to think about a moment to understand. It's a 'scientific' joke.
What do you get if you cross human with sheep DNA?
Answer: You get banned from the petting zoo for life.
On a side note, I had minor surgery recently. Being cautious, I Googled the surgeon, mainly to ensure he hadn't graduated from some oddball school I'd never heard of. Turns out he'd graduated from Harvard Medical School, interned at the Mayo clinic, and is now a member of the Harvard Medical School faculty. Needless to say he immediately understood the joke above, and told it and the one below at a party the next night.
Since he kept telling me cornball jokes to keep my mind off the surgery, I returned the favor and I told him this one, which is corny but funny:
A pirate walks into a bar, with a steering wheel down the front of his pants. "Arrr", he said, "I'll have a rye whiskey on the rocks".
"Here you go, sir", replies the bartender, but then says, "You know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, don't you?"
"Arrr Matey, I sure do. And it's driving me nuts"